American Teen

Five-Word Synopsis: Don’t you, forget about me.
Alternate Four-Word Synopsis: Don’t, don’t, don’t don’t.

“A modern day ‘Breakfast Club’ that will make you stand up and cheer,” gushes some reviewer chap from E! Online. It’s a throwaway line that looks good on a poster because a familiar movie title catches the eye. So, fine. Fair enough.
Except, the trailer itself starts off by showing us the high school kids starring in the movie, and flashing placards before each of them labelling them as “The Jock” and “The Princess.”
“Oh no,” I thought, “They’re re-making the Breakfast Club, and they don’t even have the good grace to update it with new stereotypes.”

But don’t worry, Emilio Estevez purists— it’s not a Breakfast Club sequel. It’s actually a documentary, which makes the Breakfast Club reference even more awkward. It’s not the best idea to smack a big old “Fictional Nostalgia Wankfest” sticker on the front of your supposedly non-fiction opus, especially when you’re making a Joe Average day-in-the-life documentary— you want to at least PRETEND there’s something organic about it. Although with teenagers insisting they’re not Looking For Love right now, followed by them falling instantly in love with the movie’s other main characters sort of erases any chance at pretending this wasn’t heavily scripted. Also, I really don’t care who wins that basketball game. At all.

F+