As an aspiring screen-writer, I know that not every script I write will get accepted. In fact, somewhere around 85 of my scripts have not gotten accepted. But it’s alright. You’ve got to get yourself back on that horse, even if said horse sent you a recording of your entire script being read in a sarcastic, simpering voice while interns laugh in the background, and even if the horse won’t even bother making mocking recordings of your scripts anymore, and has just taken to sending you dance remixes of the old ones. I don’t know who wants to listen to the backing track to Buffalo Soldier laid underneath some Hollywood dickhead lisping out the opening scene for “I, Glorious Gladitorious.” But it’s okay. I have a good feeling about the children’s fantasy quadrilogy I’m working on right now- it includes at least one original idea, and as many as two.

In an effort to entice buyers and delight children everywhere, I’ve posted below an excerpt from my most recent opus (Not counting the sequel I wrote for Mr Holland’s Opus). Every rejection letter I’ve gotten says the same thing: there is no need, at all, for a civil-war-era prequel to Saw. What they fail to realize, however, is that it is also over four hours long. That’s a lot of movie for your money, producers.

Hit me up!