The Mummy: Tomb of the Dragon Emperor

Five-Word Synopsis: Shanghai Noon Meets American Treasure.

Alternate Five-Word Synopsis: The Above Synopsis Is Retarded.

Rising from the grave comes the second, or maybe the fifth, movie in The Mummy non-series. I know that the original movie’s DVD was in a lot of people’s bookshelves in High School, but that doesn’t mean that anyone remembers it or wants to see it. This is also why Multiplicity 2 barely made it out of pre-production.

I half-watched the beginning of The Mummy about fifty times while I was making out with various feminist icons/comely librarians(?), so I can’t tell you what the movie was really about past something about mummies, sand, and cats. But I don’t think I’m over-stepping my bounds by saying it was relatively forgettable, which would explain why I haven’t heard anyone mention it in about seven years.

So the series is ethically deplorable in its existence, there was apparently a second movie that I don’t even remember coming out, the trailer depicts a movie both tepid and hackneyed, and “Tomb of The Dragon Emperor” is, in its capacity as a movie title, not even trying.

With all that having been said, though, there were what appeared to be lava-horses in there, and Jet Li will probably shoot Brendon Frasier with lightning bolts at some point during the film. That doesn’t exactly save the film, but it might help soften its sad tumble into obscurity just a bit.

F+